


Stir Crazy

by Mischievous (meandminniemcg)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AND THEY WERE FLATMATES, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blowjobs, COVID19, Dubious Consent, Everybody Lives, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oblivious Sirius Black, The year 2020, discussion of anal sex and pegging, handjobs, lockdown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:15:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27251068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meandminniemcg/pseuds/Mischievous
Summary: Sirius is straight, his attraction to his new flatmate Remus is just due to the lockdown, at least, that's what he tells himself.
Relationships: Fleur Delacour/Nymphadora Tonks, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69
Collections: Sirius Black Fest 2020





	1. On the phone with James

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to the mods of this fest and to my amazing beta curlyy-hair-dont-care.  
> This fic is based on a self-prompt. I wanted to write a fic in which Sirius meets Remus and comes out to himself in his late twenties. I messed a bit with the ages of the children, Harry and Teddy are roughly the same age in this fic.

Sirius already regretted allowing Remus to walk Snuffles this morning. Although he knew that his flatmate needed walks for his health, perhaps even more than he did, and he himself ought to work on the new game. But not being allowed out of his apartment more than strictly necessary seemed to multiply his urge to go out by ten times.

He glared at his laptop for five minutes, and then decided to call James. Calling James was theoretically a work call, after all, James and he were co-owners of Marauder Ltd, a firm for computer games.

He moved from his office chair to his sofa and called James.

“Hey, Sirius, how are you, mate?” James baritone rang out over the sound of a toddler singing “The Wheels of the Bus”.

“Did Lils put you on Harry duty?” Sirius grinned. He loved hearing little Harry’s voice. “I thought schools are closed?”

“Yes, but she has to hold a few zoom classes for the O-level and A-level students who take their exams in biology or chemistry. And Mum and Dad have appointments with their doctor. Just a checkup, don’t worry.” Usually, Harry would be with Mia and Monty, James’ parents and Sirius’ adoptive parents, in the mornings. “Have you found a solution to the problem with animating the Whomping Willow in level 3?”

“No, sorry. And I just can’t concentrate. It’s driving me mad that I can’t go anywhere. No basketball, no gym, no swimming pool, no clubs. In short neither sport nor dancing nor sex.” Sirius complained.

“You didn’t play sports or have sex when you broke your arm two years ago.” James’ remark was true but not very helpful.

“Yeah, but at least you drove me to the business meetings and Marls and Dorcas became our friends. At least it wasn’t as boring.” Sirius sighed dramatically.

“You’re allowed to jog, in fact, Snuffles will be happy to accompany you.” James’ voice sounded slightly exasperated. _Maybe I should complain to someone else. James won’t understand my loneliness, he has Lily, Harry, Mia and Monty around._

“It’s more seeing people that I miss. And it’s driving me spare. Yesterday Remus made spring rolls from scratch, and I watched his hands and got, erm, thoughts.” Sirius sighed, remembering the mental image of those fingers wrapped around his cock. “For fuck’s sake, I’m straight.”

“You do remember that bisexuality exists?” James remarked. “Sirius, we’re your family and we love you no matter what your sexual preference may be. You know, Monty’s friends Dave and Gary… it never was an issue. Or Aster and Lorraine.”

“But I’m straight. Just stir-crazy. Also, prisoners shag each other too and pretend they are shagging a woman.” Sirius exclaimed.

“Mate, your phone is still working, no need to yell for the whole town to hear.”

“Sorry.”

“How is Remus as a flatmate apart from your present sexuality crisis?” James tried to change the subject.

“He’s so much better than the former ones. Good taste in music, we cook together, he makes the most hilarious comments while we watch TV, only, he doesn't seem to have a love life...”

“What makes you think so?” James’ voice sounded sceptical. “He has a son, even if these days he can only talk to him over the internet.”

“He told me that Teddy’s mother is a lesbian and he’s basically a donor with regular contact to Teddy.” Sirius had seen pictures of a cute three-year-old Teddy and his mother Tonks, a woman who had a different colour in her short hair in every picture, and Remus had told him that she was dating a high femme cybersecurity expert.

“Well, he never told me about his son’s mother, he once visited Lils and me with Teddy.” James replied. “What makes you think that Remus doesn’t have a love life?”

“He’s not in a relationship, and when I suggested going clubbing in January and trying to pull, he just looked at me as if I had suggested something completely weird.” The reaction had not been to Sirius wanting to go out and pull, but to his suggestion that Remus might do so too.

“People are single sometimes, and not everyone loves one-offs like you do. And some people are aro ace.”

“I know, after all, Reg made that short film about being aro ace, the one that won him the place at London Film School. But Remus says he isn’t aro nor ace.” Sirius could understand that not everyone liked to pull at a club, but he had the distinct feeling that there was a story behind Remus’ reaction.

And wasn’t it only normal to want to know everything about one’s flatmate if he wasn’t an obnoxious narcissist like Gilderoy, who got arrested for fraud; a creep like Snape who tried to make Lily leave James by telling her all kinds of lies; or someone constantly burning dodgy-smelling incense regardless who coughed and sneezed their lungs out and asked them to use a different scent, like Sybil, who had still been the most tolerable of his former flatmates. After Sybil had moved out, Sirius had decided not to have a flatmate anymore, until Lily had asked him if he could rent the room to her colleague and friend Remus, whose landlord had raised the rent to an amount Remus couldn’t possibly pay. Remus would otherwise spend three hours every day on his commute to work and kip on someone’s couch.

Despite having a scar across the bridge of his nose, Remus had seemed average at first sight. Like the kind of teacher whose name you wouldn’t remember ten years after finishing school. But once Remus opened up, that had changed rapidly. Nobody could make more hilarious comments on such a bad tv show like Downton Abbey, or invent crazier theories on how the next episode of a show that Sirius only watched because of the lockdown might continue.

And Sirius only kept watching the show to get more over the top theories from Remus. And in such moments, Sirius could not look away from Remus. He began understanding why this man was a teacher, and the kind of teacher students would remember forever for his competence, sense of humour and understanding.

Also, despite Remus’ average appearance, Sirius had noticed the way he smelled from the first moment. A mix of cedar and lavender, chocolate, and green tea. As he later would learn, the intensity of these ingredients and which one dominated, changed with the time of day and his activities. Sometimes Sirius wondered how Remus would smell after a workout, or immediately after getting up in the morning, but if Remus trained anywhere, he definitely showered there too; He would also make sure to shower and let in fresh air before standing anywhere near Sirius.

Anyway, it was weird to be interested in his flatmate’s smell, maybe James was right about teasing him for being the human version of Snuffles. And Sirius remembered his childhood fantasy of being a wizard with the ability to shapeshift into a dog. _He imagined himself shapeshifting into a big black dog, the type that nobody would mess with. He would bite his parents if they ever tried to lock him into the cellar again, then run away to a nice family with a kid who would play with him, with parents who would tell him stories and give him treats. And he would protect the kid._

Then, when he was eleven, Sirius was sent off to boarding school, and met James there, whose parents visited him every weekend and soon brought presents for Sirius too. Monty was from India, and Mia’s parents had come to Britain from Greece. Since first year, they had invited Sirius to spend the holidays with them, and found ways to make it impossible for Sirius’ parents to deny him visits to Godric’s Hollow.

When he was 16 years old, his father had tried to beat him again, but this time he fought back, then ran away to the Potdars. Mia had immediately contacted her best friend, a lawyer, and he had been taken in by James’ family.

  



	2. He's a Pirate

“Sirius, could you lend me a bandana? I need to dress up as a pirate for a birthday video for Teddy.”

Sirius looked up. Remus stood at the door, wearing black yoga pants and a white shirt. Around his waist, an orange picnic blanket was tied like a cummerbund.

Sirius perked up. Dressing up and making a video, that sounded like just the fun he needed. “Aye aye, captain, although, I have a better pirate hat. Also, do you need a quartermaster? It sounds like fun.” He winked.

“You would – you would appear on the video?” Remus gave him a shy look.

“Yeah, it could help me take my mind off that thing in the game that still keeps on glitching.” Sirius tried to sound like dressing up and playing pirate in his sitting room wasn't something he had always wished to do but had thought he was too old to do by the time he actually had a chance to do so. “Maybe we could also record a short sequence for Harry, I mean it’s not his birthday, but…”

“He would love to watch a pirate film recorded especially for him. Yes. We could use some of the things we record for both.” Remus grinned.

“But your shirt doesn’t look very piratey. You could borrow a silk shirt from me that I bought for a seventies party.” Sirius was already on his way to his bedroom. He could wear his pirate costume with his red bandana and Remus would look good in his white silk glam rock shirt and the pirate hat. Sirius remembered how Lily had painted his eyes with kohl both for the pirate party and for the seventies party. Hadn’t Alessandra left a small makeup bag in his room after that one-night stand? He wouldn’t see her again, so it wouldn’t matter if he used it to paint their eyes á la Jack Sparrow.

  
Remus came back from the bathroom with a big smile. “I love how this shirt looks. And thank you for lending me the hat, too.”

“You’re welcome. But you know that you could have changed here?” _Fuck! Sirius Orion Black keep your big mouth shut._

“But my scars. They are horrible.” Remus looked down.

“You do remember that I already saw them when Harry pulled up your shirt in February?”

They had been babysitting Harry, and the little boy was sometimes just as mischievous as his father, only in the way a small child would be.

“Remus,” Sirius placed a hand on his flatmate’s arm. “They change nothing about you being handsome. If they do anything, they make you look more badass.”

“My first partner looked at them once and broke up with me. After that, I always left my shirt on.” Remus fidgeted with his sleeves. “Of course, that didn’t help a relationship. They would assume that I’ve a tattoo with someone else’s name.”

“No homo, but if I were a woman, I’d shower your chest and back with love.” There was a weird feeling in Sirius’ stomach. Yes, it was probably a strange thing to say to one’s flatmate. Maybe that was why Remus blushed. Sirius better change the topic now. “Let’s plan our pirate videos.”

They had filmed themselves dancing to the tune of _He’s a Pirate _and singing “Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, to you Teddy ” to it. And now they still needed some ideas that would make Teddy laugh. For now, they sat down with a cup of Sencha orange, a tea Sirius came to enjoy very much as Remus often made it for them both. He had accompanied Remus into the tea shop at the beginning of February. Remus had been armed with a £20 gift card with a Christmas tree on it, and his eyes had shone with happiness. He had immediately asked for Sencha orange, then taken some time studying lists of ingredients of different green teas and herbal teas, then opened tins, leaned over them with his eyes closed and inhaled the scent.__

___“No. Good Oolong, but the aroma smells too artificial.” He closed the tin back and took another one off the shelf.__ _

___Sirius lifted the tin Remus had just tested and smelled. It smelled of cherries, a scent his mother would have chosen at a function, but later she would have complained how plebeian the hosts of the function were to offer aromatized tea. Yet, whenever she had the choice between aromatized and non-aromatized tea, she would choose the one with the aroma._ _ _

___Remus meanwhile opened another tin. “Mmh, this smells better.” He held out the tin to Sirius. It smelled of Black tea, whisky and cocoa. “That could be something for you, Sirius.”_ _ _

___“Can one get drunk from it?” Sirius laughed._ _ _

___“I don’t think so, but I know you like whisky. The flavour may be artificial, but it doesn't smell artificial.”_ _ _

___“I like the way it smells.” Sirius winked. “I’ll buy it. And if you want to have some , you can any time. I thought the only tea that smells good is the chai Monty and Mia make at the Potters’. I associated other tea with my parents. And they are awful people.”_ _ _

___“My mother worked at a tea shop. She was the best. I miss her. I never got to tell her that I’m… never mind, that’s not a story for today. I guess, I’ll take an oolong and look at this shelf and then the tisanes. I don’t really care about fruit tisanes, but if you’d like to look there, anything with apples in it isn’t my cup of tea.”_ _ _

___Remus inhaled the scent of another tea can. “Ooh, that’s another one you should also test. The Black Dog blend. Roasted green tea, aged black tea, peppercorn, dandelion root and sage.” He held it out to Sirius._ _ _

___“Mmmhhh. That is a tea to chase my mother’s ghost to hell where it belongs. I’ll buy and drink it.” Sirius was amazed by the scent. It was refined as fuck and yet the complete opposite of all his mother would ever serve her guests or deign appealing to drink._ _ _

___“Sirius, I believe I’ll find lots of teas that you’ll love. And we can’t leave a whole group of beverages to your bitch of a mum.” Remus gave him a mischievous smile._ _ _

___Sirius broke out in booming laughter It seemed to fill the room, but he couldn’t stop himself. Nobody had ever dared call his mother a bitch. Not even James. But he liked how Remus said it._ _ _

___“I don’t call her mum. My mum is Mia Potter. Walburga Black is Mother or Waluigi.”_ _ _

___Now Remus laughed._ _ _

___When they left the tea shop, Sirius had bought ten different packets of teas and tisanes, and Remus had only used up four pounds of his gift card for the sencha orange. Sirius was looking forward to drinking all those different teas with Remus. ____ _

___“How about me wrapping up a present box that looks a bit like a treasure chest. I have one in my room?” Remus asked._ _ _

___“Sounds good, and we could play-fight with wrapping paper rolls. Do you plan to give Teddy the box with something inside?”_ _ _

___“Yes, that was the reason why I got the idea of making a pirate video for him.” Remus grinned mischievously, and Sirius felt a bit weird._ _ _

___He had to get into action. He could barely sit still. “We should remove the coffee table and the armchair and make the fighting scene in the sitting room.”_ _ _

___They pushed the armchair, the coffee table and even the dinner table and chairs aside, put the camera on the bookshelf, started the music and got into position._ _ _

___  
Remus attacked and Sirius retreated slowly towards the sofa. Sirius thought of turning and moving sideways when he felt himself crashing into the sofa. He grabbed something reflexively that turned out to be Remus’ arm, and Remus lost his balance and fell on top of him._ _ _

___They lay half on the sofa, half on the floor in a pile, and Sirius was enveloped in Remus’ scent. And something was off. He was getting hard very fast, dizzyingly fast. And something poked his leg, solid, what was Remus wearing? No pockets or belt buckles, there was only one explanation. Remus was hard, too._ _ _

___Remus started moving. He scrambled up. “Sorry. I – I think we have to continue another time. I – I need to…”_ _ _

___He bolted from the room faster than Sirius could phase out what had happened._ _ _

___Sirius went to Remus’ door and knocked. “Everything okay, Re?”_ _ _

___“Uhm, yeah, I just remembered that I need to, er, send an email to my students. And if someone sent me an essay, I’ll have to correct it.” Remus’ voice sounded insecure. Was he spooked?_ _ _

___“Sirius?” Remus called out now. “Shouldn’t you take Snuffles for a walk soon?”_ _ _

___  
Today, Sirius struggled to be patient as Snuffles dawdled around and sniffed at every corner. He would have liked a run, to clear his head. But even though Snuffles usually enjoyed a good run, today, he wanted to take it slow._ _ _

___And Sirius knew that Snuffles could be very stubborn, so he decided that it wasn’t worth the fight. He trudged towards Kelvingrove Park and hoped Snuffles would pick up the pace there. It was one of those days where he wished he could turn himself into a dog like Snuffles. He was sure that dogs’ lives were less complicated. Dogs didn’t need to think of all those complicated things, like how not to spook your flatmate or if you spooked him already how to fix it._ _ _

___One look from Snuffles’ puppy dog eyes - or any other dog’s eyes at that- and people would forgive and want to pet them. A dog never falls from grace with the people who love him, even if he unrolls all the toilet paper or chews their owner’s shoes beyond recognition. The biggest consequence is that the dog will be enrolled for dog obedience training. Human life was so much more difficult. Things could end horribly. Remus might hate him if he made a mistake._ _ _

___Also, what could he have done? He hadn’t known that it would make them both hard if they stumbled and fell on top of each other. How was he to know? He had never been in such a situation before, neither the lockdown with its implication of seeing women’s faces only on tv screens nor that there was only one person he would get into touching range from._ _ _

___And least of all, that that person would not be a girlfriend but one Remus Lupin, flatmate extraordinaire. Because, yes, that was what Remus was to him. If he was honest with himself, Remus was an even better flatmate than James had been._ _ _

___James had blasted his obnoxious sports games and expected everyone to be silent while football, basketball and various other sports were on TV until he and Lils had moved in together. She had told him if he needed silence during a football game, it was his problem, and he could watch it in another room. Sirius had been baffled. There he had spent years telling James that while he liked a good game of football like the next bloke, stopping the whole world for it was going a tad too far, without any result, and then James had met Lily and one remark from her had been enough to enforce the rule that if he wanted to be undisturbed during football he would have to go to a different room._ _ _

___Sirius and Snuffles arrived at their favourite meadow. Snuffles picked up a stick and brought it to Sirius with his “throw it for me” look. Sirius hurled the stick to the middle of the meadow. Snuffles zoomed after it and brought it back. “Good boy! You’re a good boy.”_ _ _

___He threw it again. As he watched the stick fly and the dog run after it, the memory of Remus’ bulge against his leg popped up again. He felt like he had as a child when he’d sneak out into the garden after dark and eat biscuits he had stolen from the kitchen. He’d never take more than two. Mr. Kreacher, his birth parents’ butler, would have known._ _ _

___It was a weird feeling. He longed to go back to the situation and press pause, just to get a chance to figure out why it didn’t feel like it should have. It should have been uncomfortable, but instead it was kind of intoxicating._ _ _

___It had to be the lockdown. Remus and he were simply affected by the lockdown; touch-starved to an extent that –_ _ _

___A wet nose touched his hand and interrupted his thoughts. Snuffles made a sound that clearly meant “Stop moping. The stick doesn’t throw itself.”_ _ _

___He flung the stick as far as he could. He had to talk to Remus. He couldn’t lose him to the awkwardness; besides, REMUS HAD BEEN HARD TOO. Remus was just as touch-starved. They could solve this as friends. It was a natural thing. It was just normal that if one couldn't get close to a woman, male friends would get each other off, and that’s what their bodies were implying. It didn’t make them less straight. It was just a reaction to unusual circumstances._ _ _

___  
Sirius watched the sunset while considering how to talk to Remus. But as they returned home, there was no light under Remus’ door, and he didn’t come to the sitting room or the kitchen. Maybe he was already asleep._ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of the teas (although I changed the name a bit) were inspired by the products of this tea shop: [here](https://fridaytea.com/) Their teas sound amazing, and I wish they were available here.
> 
> The idea that Sirius calls his mother "Waluigi" comes from a Tumblr post I saw some time ago, but didn't find again when I wrote this fic. Please, if you know the author of that post or it is you, let me know in the comments, so I can credit you or them for it.


	3. It's a Need I Can't Explain

The next morning, when Sirius got up, rather late, as Snuffles hadn’t come into his room, a thermos of Sencha orange and two home-made croissants were waiting for him on the kitchen table, but Remus wasn’t around. At a closer look, there was a post-it on the teacup: “I’m walking Snuffles. Enjoy your meal. R.”

Remus didn’t hate him. This was a friendly gesture. Thank goodness, Remus didn’t hate him.

Sirius took the cherry jam and spread some on his croissant. He forced himself to eat while waiting for Remus to return. They had to talk. What if Remus avoided him? What if the croissants and the tea were just politeness or he had done it out of habit and not to do something nice for Sirius? If only Sirius could be a dog and life could be simple. Sirius got up and washed the dishes by hand and cleaned the kitchen window.

When Sirius had finished, he looked at the clock. If Remus didn’t come back soon, there wouldn’t be any time to talk before Remus’ A-Level students had their scheduled zoom lesson. Sirius got up and paced the floor. The flat felt empty without Remus. What if Remus decided to move out?

Remus finally came in a mere five minutes before he had to get his zoom lesson started. He only had time to wash his hands and start his laptop.

  
“Remus, please, we need to talk.” Sirius called out through Remus’ door at six pm.

“I’m working.” Remus’ voice sounded panicked.

“You don’t have _that_ much work. You’ve been inside ever since you came back from walking Snuffles, with only a break to go to the loo. I rather think you feel embarrassed because of yesterday.” Sirius took a deep breath.

“If you want to throw me out, just tell me through the door. You don’t need to see my face for that.” Remus’ voice was about an octave higher than it normally would be.

“Hey, why would I do that? You are the best flatmate I’ve ever had, and that includes James.”

“I don’t know, creeping you out by getting a boner while we make a fucking cosplay video? I saw that look of shock on your face.” Remus’ voice sounded pained.

“Re, we fell over.” Sirius said softly. “That was the thing that shocked me. And the fact that I had a boner, too. Actually, your boner reduced the awkwardness factor significantly. I think it’s even rather normal that we respond to a warm human body. Please, I don’t want this to ruin our friendship.” _Bloody hell, why hadn’t he thought of better arguments?_

The door opened carefully, and Remus came out, looking at the floor. He looked as if he hadn’t slept a wink at night.

“Re, can we agree on one rule for the future. Before you have sleepless nights, you ask me if I’m shocked by you or just by falling down.” Sirius winked at Remus, and he thought he saw his flatmate blush. It looked good on him. “You can wake me any time for that.”

The thought of Remus sitting on the edge of Sirius’ bed made his heart beat faster. He could relate to any sailor or prisoner who got into bed with a man while there were no women anywhere around.

“You need your sleep, too.” Remus' voice sounded like he had a lump in his throat. He moved into the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water and drank it in one gulp.

“I’ll sleep better if I don’t need to fear that you’ll toss and turn and overthink.” Sirius opened the fridge. “What do you think, should we cook the Ratatouille with potato wedges today or the Dhal?”

“I’d prefer the Ratatouille.” Remus took two cutting boards and vegetable knives from the cupboard. “No serious conversations while handling knives, my mother used to say. It makes the worker prone to cutting their hands.”

“No problem.” Actually, Sirius felt relieved. He didn’t really know what more to say to Remus about it. He just wanted things to be normal between them or maybe even better than their so far normal.

They cut their vegetables, prepared the food, and then sat down. Sirius told Remus a story about a prank war preteen James had had with preteen Lily and that Lily and her friend Mary were the only ones able to out-prank James and Sirius back then.

He opened a bottle of Bordeaux, a good vintage that he had inherited from his uncle Alphard along with the apartment.

After dinner, they sat side by side on the sofa and watched Back to the Future while drinking the wine.

Their legs were touching, and it felt amazing. When George and Lorraine kissed at the dance, Sirius just couldn’t resist it anymore. He leaned over and rested his head on Remus’ shoulder. “Issat okay?”

“Feels good.” Remus took the last sip from his glass. “Fuck, it’s empty. The bottle’s – hupp – empty, too.”

“Yes, we’ve finished the wine – hupp.” Sirius let his hand glide over Remus’ t-shirt, down his chest towards where he thought the man’s nipple was. Could one find a bloke’s nipple that wasn't their own through a shirt? He needed to find out.

“Mmh, that feels – hupp – good. Wanna see how that feels?” Remus started stroking Sirius’ shoulder.

“Thass not how it feels. Thass my shoulder, not my nip -nipple.” Sirius took Remus’ hand, pushed his shirt up and placed it on his chest.

Remus started circling Sirius’ left nipple. It made Sirius hard so fast, he felt dizzy. He reached for the hem of Remus’ shirt and let his hand slip under it.

“My chest’s ugly.” Remus blurted out.

“Let _me_ decide that.” Sirius pushed the shirt up. Yes, there was a big scar surrounded by some small ones, but they weren’t ugly. They just were there. “Iss time someone kissed them.”

Sirius leaned over and trailed open-mouthed kisses across the gnarled scar tissue. Remus gasped a little.

“You like that?” Sirius asked. He felt Remus nod, and repeated the move. Then he whispered against Remus’ chest. “You have a fine chest. Yes, it has scars, but you survived. And I like the colour of your nipples…” He licked over Remus’ left nipple. “and how they feel and taste.” He latched on to it.

His hand trailed over Remus’ body, and he felt the bulge in Remus’ joggers against his arm. “You’re hard again.” He whispered against Remus’ nipple. “Guess what? You’re not the only one. He got up and sat down straddling Remus’ lap. “Feel that?” He pushed his erection against Remus’ own.

“We – ohhh – could do that without trousers. Would feel better.” Remus said in a tone Sirius had never heard before but was eager to hear again. He got up and watched Remus first pull down his own joggers, then Sirius’.

“Wait, bed’s better, and I got lube.” Remus said gruffly. He took Sirius by the hand and pulled him into his room, on top of his blue bedsheets.

Then, Remus took a lube bottle from his bedside table, squeezed a large dollop onto his hand, rubbed his hand against Sirius’, and finally grabbed hold of Sirius’ cock. Sirius tried his best to mirror Remus’ moves, gliding his hand over Remus’ length and twisting his wrist at the end. He nuzzled Remus’ neck and licked over his salty skin. It smelled of soap, musk and chocolate. Remus groaned a litany of “Ohhh, yeah, Sirius, fuck yesss, yesss, so good” against his skin, shuddered and came all over Sirius’ stomach.

His hand held Sirius’ cock motionlessly, then when he had regained his breath, Remus said: “Keep still.”

He got on his hands and knees, and first licked Sirius’ stomach clean.

Then, he took hold of Sirius’ still-hard cock, licked over the vein on the underside, kissed the crown and slid his mouth over Sirius’ cock.

Sirius keened.

Remus bobbed his head rather quickly, and, fuck that felt good. 

Sirius’ balls drew up.

“Gonna – Gonna”

“Mmmhmm” Remus hummed around Sirius’ shaft, and Sirius couldn’t hold it back. His orgasm hit him uncontrollably.

When he was halfway coherent again, he got up. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t hold it back and came in your mouth.”

“I wouldn’t have given you a blowjob when you were already close if I hadn’t consented to this.”

“Good night, Re, and thank you.” Sirius gathered his clothes, and went into his own bed. After all, why would Remus still want him around, he was a bloke.


	4. No Walk with Snuffles

Sirius woke up wrapped around his pillow and blanket. Between sleep and waking, he had thought for a moment the lump he was wrapped around was Remus, until he noticed that it was just a lifeless mess of textiles.

Don’t be disappointed, idiot, he scolded himself. _You’re straight. You might hook up with him because hooking up with women is impossible, but what would he say if you got all sentimental on him and wanted to cuddle. Yes, you have always cuddled with James, but then it would feel like incest if you were to hook up with him._

He thought of how after he had escaped his birth parents’ house James and he had done all they could to look similar, and how sometimes Euphemia had been asked in shops if her boys were fraternal twins. James had never given his mother a chance to reply, but just said “Of course.”

A bit later, she had even referred to them as “our twins.”

No, cuddling with one’s twin from a different mother and with a different birth date wasn’t quite the same as cuddling with Remus Lupin. Yet, he couldn’t deny that cuddling with Remus was the elephant in the room of his mind.

He had to clear his head. It was half an hour before Snuffles would normally wake him. He could get dressed and then wake Snuffles for his walk. But just at that moment, he heard the sound of Remus’ sneakers, the tap tap of Snuffles clawed feet on the parquet, the clinking of the leash in the collar, a stage-whispered “Good boy” and finally the door.

Fucking bloody hell! How was he supposed to clear his head now? He knew that walking alone, even running alone would make him spiral even more.

He could call James. Without thinking any further, he took his phone from his nightstand and dialed, only to remember that James wasn’t alone. He could call James later when it wouldn’t wake Lily.

He cut the connection and paced the floor. What had he been thinking to call James anyway, what could he say? “I got a blowjob from Remus?” it didn’t sound like something to tell a friend. James was doubting his heterosexuality enough already.

The phone rang.

“Hi, James.” “Yes, actually, I didn’t mean to make a phone call, I just thought your number was wrong in our letter heading.” Why did his voice sound so odd?

“Twinno, you’ve always been pants at lying.” Nowadays James only called Sirius Twinno if he thought that Sirius was about to fuck up and wanted to tell him not to be spooked by James addressing the problem. “Remember at school we used to tell you to let Pete or me do the lying and shut up. Also, it’s only me.”

“Yes, I know. Fuck, it’s all so messed up with Covid 19, you rush from shop to shop just to get fucking toilet paper.” Sirius tried to feign normal problems.

“Yeah, that’s fucked up, but if you guys had just used up the last roll of toilet paper, you’d shower, get on your bike and call to tell me you’re in front of my house, and to throw two rolls out of the window. So, what is it really?” James knew him too well.

“Fine, I’m getting too stir crazy and touch-starved. And I’m scared that it will ruin my friendship with Remus.” Sirius sighed and tried not to cry.

“It’s okay to cry, you know. Remember how I cried after that thing with Pete? Someone who we thought for all our school years was one of our best friends, and he went and hid drugs in Dad’s restaurant. Thank goodness for the CCTV .” James’ voice sounded pained as always when they remembered how Peter Pettigrew, a third of their youthful mischief, member of their two-months-lasting boy band at 14, had fallen in love with a woman from a right-wing organization and not only begun to take on their ideology but even started targeting the Potdars. It was James’ greatest emotional wound.

“Remus isn’t betraying me. I rather feel like I’m the traitor because I want to… I want to get some warmth from him, some touch.” Sirius’ voice sounded shaky.

“I know he isn’t. But you aren’t either. Feelings aren’t a betrayal; they are feelings - no more but also no less. Stubby,” James called Sirius by the stage name he had chosen for himself, Stubby Boardman, during his boy band phase, something he would have considered embarrassing if anyone but James had used. “You want to be close to him. Such things happen. You don’t need to uphold a façade of being what your parents would have accepted. Whether you fancy him or are just stir crazy as you said, it’s okay to feel like that. Just try to make good decisions about how you act. You don’t want to hurt him or yourself.”

By now, Sirius was sobbing.

James continued. “You feel close to him, and whether it’s what I think or what you think, you’re allowed to long for Remus’ touch. Just try to make up your mind about what it is before acting upon it.”

A wave of shame washed over Sirius. He had acted upon it. He could almost feel his hand gliding over Remus’ slickened cock. Or Remus’ mouth on his.

“Hello, are you still there? Sirius?” Fuck! James had noticed him drifting off.

“I – I think of his touch. But I’m… I must be… I mean, I’ve never tried on my mother’s dresses… or wanted to be a girl…” Sirius stumbled over his words. 

James sighed, and Sirius didn’t need to see him to know he was rolling his eyes at the influence Sirius’ birth parents still had on him. If anyone else had shown those signs of exasperation, Sirius would have been angry, but he knew that he was safe with James. “That would be somewhere on the spectrum of trans and nonbinary, and I don’t think that’s what you are, although, you would have been too afraid to ever allow yourself to go there. But that’s not the topic right now.”

“I mean, Drag Queens are gay culture.”

“And bagpipes are Scottish culture. You and I have lived our whole life in Scotland and still don’t walk around playing Scotland the Brave.” James replied, making Sirius laugh at the mental image.

“But I also didn’t want to be a hairdresser or fashion designer.” Sirius said after recovering from his laugh.

“Well, those are clichés, also, maybe those professions have been accepting of gay people for a longer time than, let’s say the military or professional football, but gay and bisexual people have been working in all professions, and have all kinds of interests. In history, they have even been on all sides of the political spectrum.” James explained, and Sirius wondered why James knew so much about gay people. The gay couple in Monty and Effie’s friend group wasn’t that close to James. And Rolanda, the lesbian sister of Effie’s brother-in-law Lloyd was someone they saw at Marianthe’s and Kyle’s birthdays only.

But he didn’t dare ask. James definitely wasn’t gay. He was happily married to Lily.

_Well, for all our joking about being twins, we’re not conjoined twins. James might have friends I don’t know, and maybe one of them is gay and a cultural history podcast on legs._

“Papa, are you talking to Uncle Sirius?” A small voice piped up. “I want to talk to Uncle Sirius, too. And when will Uncle Sirius come to see us again?”

“Harry, don’t tear the phone out of my hand,” James said, between scolding and chuckling.

“Uncle Sirius, I played Mousetrap with Grandma and Grandpa yesterday. And I won! When will you come and play Mousetrap with me? It’s so cooooooool!” Harry’s voice was loud with excitement. “And you have to bring Remus. He’s cool.” Sirius knew that there was no way of continuing the previous conversation, now that Harry was awake.


	5. At Least Out Loud I Won't Say It

Again, Remus just returned on time for his zoom lesson. The sinking feeling in Sirius’ stomach got stronger when he noticed that Remus looked as if he hadn’t slept much. Did Remus regret it? Did he avoid him because he just did it due to alcohol?

Sirius tried to sit down at his computer and do his job, to no avail. All he did was alternate between staring at the screen and scribbling REMUS on a notepad. Finally, after an hour, he wrote “Remus, talk to me. Please, let’s have lunch together. Sirius.” on a corner of the notepad, tore the corner off, got up, and went to the corridor.

From Remus’ room, he heard a boy’s voice talking about the era of Enlightenment. He bent down at the door and pushed the piece of paper under the door.

Then he went into the kitchen and prepared dhal. It was his absolute comfort food, and he cooked it as Mia had taught him to cook it. He set the table with the elegant dishes Monty and Mia had given him, folded paper napkins and decided that they could drink water or orange juice from wine glasses. Finally, he arranged some decoration in the middle of the table, trying to distract himself from the fear that Remus might not have lunch with him.

Just as he heard Remus’ steps in the corridor, it occurred to him that he had set the table like for a date. But it was too late to make it look more like a normal lunch.

Remus had dark circles around his eyes. It was obvious that he hadn’t slept well, either. “What is it? Should I look for a different place to stay?”

“Of course not, Remus. I just wish you wouldn’t avoid me.” Sirius cringed at the needy sound of his own voice.

“I thought you’d prefer that. After all, you left my bed before your breathing had even returned to normal.” Remus pulled at the edges of his sweater. “I thought you wanted me to stay away, so you wouldn’t have to think of it.”

“Remus, I thought it wouldn’t be good to stay until you told me to leave your room. I… you…” Sirius wished again he could be a dog. “Would you have let me stay there and cuddle with you?”

Remus’ face passed through a series of unreadable expressions, then he breathed out a “Yes. I would have liked that.” He finally sat down.

Sirius filled Remus’ plate with Dhal, then his own. He had to address this thing because it hurt. “Never assume again that I want to get rid of you. As long as I don’t tell you to leave, you can be sure that I want you to stay here.”

Remus gave him a look as if he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. “But I’m not…” He closed his mouth as if he had said too much.

Oh, fuck, Remus seemed to feel weird about last night and about wanting to cuddle. “I know. But this isn’t being gay; it’s friends helping each other out while no women are available. It won’t make you gayer than you would be otherwise. We haven’t been friends for that long, but I already see you as one of my two best friends. I feel safe with you. And I promise you, you can feel safe with me.”

“Thank you.” Remus took a gulp of water.

Sirius began eating, and tried to fill the silence that was suddenly there with talk about his Whomping Willow problem. “I can’t have the willow cost the player lives, but I also need it to be a real obstacle. I’ve been working on it for days now, and it’s the only real problem with the whole game…”

“What if the player needs an object to stop it, something like a stick that touches a button on the roots?” Remus suggested.

“You’re brilliant. Thank you. I hadn’t thought of sticks and buttons among the roots. Ropes didn’t make sense, neither did burning the tree and jumping over it felt stupid, too. Does the Dhal taste bad? You’re not eating.”

“I haven’t even tried it, I was too busy listening.” Remus looked at his hands, then took a determined spoonful. “It tastes excellent.”

  
The afternoon had passed with them both doing their work, and Remus had done the shopping while Sirius had walked Snuffles.

Now they sat side by side in front of their tv, watching a documentary on background singers in rock and pop music. Remus leaned forward to take a few chocolate raisins and fruits from the bowl on the coffee table. Their legs touched from their hips to their knees, and Sirius felt hyperaware of the touch.

“You got the last strawberry,” Sirius blurted out before he knew what he was saying. “I mean, sorry, um,...”

“Would you like it?” Remus opened his hand.

“It’s big enough. You could let me bite a piece off.” Sirius winked at Remus. Oh fuck. That look Remus gave him!

“Yeah?” Remus took the strawberry with his other hand and brought it close to Sirius’ mouth. “Bite.”

Sirius took a bite. He felt Remus’ fingers on his lips. Just for a moment.

Remus popped the other half of the berry into his own mouth. _Fuck!_ That mouth had been around Sirius’ cock yesterday. And said cock was filling up with blood at a dizzying speed. Sirius wanted, no, fuck the consequences, he needed another night with Remus. One that would last till morning.

“Please, can you give me a mango?”

“Sirius, the bowl is just as close to you as it is to me.” Remus gave him a stern look.

“Pretty please.” He picked out a cranberry. “I’ll give you the cranberry for it.”

“You’re just like Snuffles, do you know that?” Remus shook his head and tried to put the mango into Sirius’ hand, but Sirius leaned over and took it with his lips.

“Fine, give me the cranberry.” Remus sounded a weird mixture of resigned and interested.

Sirius fed him the cranberry, and let his fingers stay in Remus’ mouth until the chocolate had melted completely. Remus fed him a piece of pineapple coated in white chocolate. Sirius pushed it aside with his tongue and focused on licking Remus’ fingers.

“Fuck! Sirius, that’s not a good idea.” Remus mumbled.

“You don’t like it?” Sirius’ voice was shaky. He wanted it so much.

“I like it too much. I don’t think such a temptation…”

Remus tried to be the voice of reason, but if there was one thing Sirius couldn’t handle at this moment, it was reason. “I once read in a calendar or something that the only way of getting rid of temptation is to yield to it.”

“Oscar Wilde said that. I don’t want you to regret it later, Sirius.” Remus sighed.

“I won’t. Please. Pretty please.” Sirus shifted on the sofa to lie with his head in Remus’ lap and look up into Remus’ eyes.

“You with your puppy dog eyes!” Remus stroked over Sirius’ cheekbones and ran his fingers through Sirius’ hair.

Sirius slipped his hand under Remus’ sweater, across the plain of his chest. “This scar is shaped like a crescent moon.” He traced the shape of it, and Remus shivered. “Can I look at it?”

Remus took off his shirt, and Sirius trailed open-mouthed kisses over the crescent moon scar and the smaller scars. “You’re so handsome, Moony.”

“Moony?” Remus asked with a chuckle.

“Your scar looks like the moon. And also, you're my light in the darkness of this year.” Sirius had an idea. “Is giving a blowjob difficult? I want to try it.”

“Are you sure? You don’t need to.” Remus stroked Sirius’ hair again.

Sirius didn’t speak, he pulled Remus’ joggers and boxers down and stroked Remus’ cock. Then, he took a tentative lick from the base to the head.

“Sirius. Bed. Easier for you.”

They rushed into the bedroom scattering their clothes on the way.

Remus only got to sit down on the edge of the bed. Sirius knelt in front of him and kissed the tip of Remus’ cock, then opened his mouth and suckled on it lightly. It was a weird, but good feeling in his mouth. The weight of it on his tongue and the taste of it. It feels so right. I think I’m not straight after all. And if not being straight feels so good, how can it be wrong? He carefully swallowed down Remus’ cock a bit further. Remus gasped.

The sound turned him on more. He started bobbing his head, first tentatively, then with more and more confidence.

“Stop.” Remus shifted backwards, out of his mouth.

“Sorry. What did I do wrong.?” Sirius was shocked. He had thought it went well.

“Nothing, you’re good, it’s just, I was too close. And I didn’t want you to gag on my come. It’s your first try after all.” Remus stroked his hair. “And I want to kiss you. Let’s lie down.”

They lay side by side on the duvet, and Remus took some lube from the bottle, kissed Sirius’ lips and stroked both their cocks with the lubed up hand. Sirius hadn’t even noticed how close he himself was, until he tipped over the edge, moaning into Remus’ mouth and feeling that Remus’ cock too was pulsing with his release.

Remus took Kleenex from his bedside table, wet them with a little water from a drinking bottle and cleaned up the come from their bodies. “Let’s get under the duvet.”

_Remus, Moony, I love you. I wish I could tell you. I wish you were –_ Sirius drifted off to sleep.


	6. Straight Was a Phase

“Black.“

“Not Black. This is Haaaarrryy!” As usual, since the events with Sirius’ ex-roommate Snape, the Potdars’ caller ID didn’t show as Harry called from their landline.

“Hi, Harry, what did you get up to this morning?” Sirius asked.

“Dad and I made a present for Mum; she’s getting a picture of us. And I painted the frame.” Harry stage-whispered. “But shhh, don’t tell Mum. Uncle Sirius, when will you come to us?”

“Soon. As soon as I’m allowed to, Prongslet.” Sirius would often call Harry Prongslet, and sometimes, on rare occasions, he would still call James by his school nickname Prongs. James had found a pair of antlers in the forest on a school trip and insisted on carrying them home, thus earning him the nickname Prongs.

“Mum is calling me. And Dad wants to talk to you. Bye-bye.” Harry said.

“Bye, Prongslet.”

“Hey, Sirius, how are things going? Remus is holding a zoom lesson, isn’t he?” Oh, fuck, James is asking.

“Er, yes, he is.” Sirius needed a distraction. The game, of course. “The Whomping Willow problem is solved. Actually, Remus had a brilliant idea. There’s a button among the roots, and the players need to find a stick and press the button with it.”

“And how is your emotional situation today?” Of course, James would always know when Sirius tried to hide behind a side topic. Sirius heard a door shut and a lock turn in a key. It seemed James wanted to talk to him alone.

“Er, maybe you were right. I’m not straight. I really fancy Remus.”

James whooped: “I’m proud of you.”

Sirius took a deep breath. Surely James couldn’t answer this, but maybe it would help a little to talk about this anyway. And James would listen and would surely not judge Sirius. “I’m not straight, but I’m not sure if I’m gay enough.”

“You mean because of your trysts with women? You can be bisexual, you know, or pansexual.” James’ voice sounded reassuring and soothing.

“That’s not the thing I’m worried about. Although I’m not sure what label applies to me, it might be bi, or gay.” He took a deep breath, then blurted out: “Because with most women I was with, after once it seemed like nope, not again, although once was nice. But I didn’t have romantic feelings, and I’m gradually seeing that I have them for Remus.”

“Wait – you were in bed with Remus? When did that happen?” Sirius could almost see the look on James’ face, it was the same look he used to have when they would play football or basketball and someone from their team scored.

“The first time was three days ago. Well, maybe the story begins the day before with us recording a pirate video for Remus’ son. I stumbled and tried to steady myself by holding on to Remus. Instead of it steadying me, Remus fell on top of me. It got us both hard.”

“And then you shagged? I’m happy for you.” The broad, dimpled grin on James’ face was audible. Under other circumstances, Sirius would have automatically grinned, too. But not even James could make him forget his anxiety.

“No, then we both panicked.” Sirius fidgeted with a biro. “But the next day we talked and after that, we got closer to each other.”

“In other words, kissed? Or even shagged?” James’ voice took on that lilt it would always take on at peak excitement.

Sirius mumbled. “Handjobs and blowjobs.”

“Yaaaay! You got laid.” James’ speaking volume was controlled, but a series of noises made Sirius think that James might be bouncing up and down.

“Before the lockdown, I got laid a lot of times and you didn’t make a fuss about it.” Sirius protested. James lowered his voice: “Was any of them a bloke who meant what Remus means to you?”

“Why are you so interested in me having sex with a bloke? It’s not like I was a virgin before.” Sirius kneaded his red, spiky stress ball to ground himself. This was so overwhelming.

“I always suspected that you might like blokes.” James spoke in the tone that would normally be the most calming tone ever.

But today it just made Sirius even more nervous. “Why? I dated girls.”

“Yes, but you also had a way of talking about blokes’ looks that made me think there was more to it.” James paused, and Sirius felt that he was trying to word it well. “Remember when we wanted to found a boy band? Pete and I would study the bands’ dancing steps, music style and outfits and talk about which ones we could use to attract Lils and other girls. You would never bring up girls when we would look at those videos. Instead, you would have a favourite in every boy band. And the way you would talk about Pete Wentz – if that wasn’t a celebrity crush, I don’t know.” 

_Fuck! James is right. Straight blokes don’t think that Pete Wentz looks hot, or think of whether a bloke’s arse looks amazing in a pair of jeans in a video. They might consider the clothes cool, the music great for dancing, think of how to imitate the dance style, but never how hot the person who sings and dances is._ “Fair enough, I guess. But why didn’t you tell me?”

“I talked to Dad and he told me that it wouldn’t help you if I told you ‘Hey you like blokes.’” James admitted. “He said that you are probably not aware of it yet, and even if you were you would surely not be comfortable with hearing me say it before you were ready to come out to me. You noticed that my ADHD brain had difficulties with that and I sometimes would talk without thinking.”

Sirius was silent for a moment. It had felt weird when James had said it. But… “You said a lot about me and Remus recently. From anyone else, it would have annoyed me to no end. But it’s you. And I trust you more than anybody.”

“Thank you. And sorry if I annoyed you sometimes.”

“It’s okay, Twinno.” Sirius used the word Twinno whenever James would apologize for something. “But there’s something that still worries me about liking blokes. I mean, I don’t know if I want to do anal. I mean, one of us would have to endure it for the other one’s pleasure.”

“Endure it?” Sirius could hear a grin in James’ voice. “Okay, at the beginning there can be a bit of discomfort until you get accustomed to having something up your arse, but after that… I love that feeling on my prostate.”

“Wait, what?” Sirius felt confused by James’ words. “You’re straight. You’re married to Lily, and haven’t dated anyone else ever.”

James laughed. “Yes, and she’s still the only one I want. Have you ever heard of pegging?”

_Clothes pegs – tent pegs – square peg in a round hole – no clue what pegging means._ “What’s that.”

“It’s when a woman fucks your arse with a strap-on dildo. These days. Lils and I don’t get to do that often, but when she pegs me, - it’s glorious.” James gushed. “It just takes a lot of lube and slow preparation, the slower the less discomfort.”

But was it that good for everyone? Sirius had heard that there were tops and bottoms. “What if I don’t like taking it up the arse?”

“Then you top him. Where’s the problem?” James obviously didn’t really understand it.

Sirius took a deep breath. “Do I know if Remus would want to bottom?” Or if I would want to top? “Also, I think he’s not gay or bi, just touch-starved. I mean, he’s never talked about sexy blokes or anything. As far as I know, I’m just the only warm human body within his reach.”

“I think you’re too pessimistic. I bet that he feels the same for you. You’re an attractive bloke. If I remember correctly, many girls wanted to date you at Hogwarts…” James didn’t get it. If Sirius was attractive to women, did that automatically mean that he would be attractive to blokes? Was there somewhere he could anonymously ask what made a man attractive to gay blokes?

“That’s long ago. And having oral sex with a bloke if sex with women is not possible doesn’t make him automatically gay.” Sirius had little hope. He had been the one to initiate everything that had gone on between him and Remus.

James sighed loudly: “Fine. I’ll try to ask Lily if she has any information about Remus’ sexuality. They have been colleagues for a while. She’ll surely know more about him than I do. But I think you should worry less and maybe try to talk to him about all those questions you have.”

“Could you ask Lily? But please, don’t tell her about my feelings for Remus yet, I’m not ready for that.” Sirius shuddered at the thought of others, even if it was just Lily, who had been one of his closest friends for almost as long as James, hearing about his sexuality before he was ready to tell her himself.

“Stubby! That’s not my secret to tell. I’ll try to ask her without mentioning you.”

A knock sounded through the phone, and Harry’s voice shouted: “Pizza is ready.”

  
The next two weeks Sirius and Remus spent working a lot – Remus had agreed to have individual zoom sessions to discuss the essays of those students who had more questions, which took up a lot of time, as the students were very interested in his class. It showed that he was an extraordinarily good teacher. And Sirius’ job had never depended on an office, so it was the same as always, just that all business meetings took place via Zoom.

Apart from that, they would walk Snuffles, shop at different supermarkets for rice, noodles, disinfectant and toilet paper. And then they would invariably end up in bed together. Sirius had often wanted to talk to Remus about his feelings but always backed off, too afraid to ruin what they had for now.

The closest he got to asking was on Sunday morning, as Remus was stroking the inside of Sirius’ thigh with a lube-slick hand.

Sirius summoned all his courage. “What are we doing?”

“I’m lubing up your thighs and thought we could have intercrural sex. That means, uhmm, rubbing my cock against your thighs and perineum. But we don’t need to do it.” Remus’ voice sounded frightened, and it broke Sirius’ heart to hear him sound like that. Also, Remus shifted his crotch away from Sirius.

“Remus, it’s fine. I like what you’re doing. Please, don’t stop.” It was the wrong moment to talk about their relationship. He needed to reassure Remus and make him feel good. And in return, Remus made him feel so good.

Sometimes, Remus looked so sad or worried, but whenever Sirius would ask, the only answer Remus would give him was that he was worried about his father’s health. Sirius had the vague feeling that it wasn’t what Remus thought of at those moments. But how could he ask, and also, did he want to hear that the truth was that Remus was longing for big breasts and a vagina?

  
On Thursday, Sirius woke up from a nap. His original plan had been to drive to the Marauder Ltd office and water the plants, but James had texted him not to bother, as he had needed a file they had only on paper to do the taxes and had watered them already. When they had talked about this, Remus had already been on his walk with Snuffles.

He heard Remus talking: “Hey, Tonks, are you still offering to let me kip on your sofa?”

_Fuck! No! Please, let this be a nightmare!_

“Yes, I like it here very much, but that’s the problem. Sirius was touch-starved, and we ended up in bed. We’ve been shagging for around two weeks now, and I’m falling for him more and more. But he’s straight. I can’t bear to let my feelings get still stronger, and then he goes back to shagging women. It already hurts enough to think of it.” Remus’ voice sounded so depressed.

He sobbed. “Yes, I’m sure. He said ‘no homo’ and that doing it while all women are out of our reach won’t make us gay.” 

After another break, Remus continued. “Yes. I’ll manage two days. I need to pack my things anyway.”

Sirius felt like he was paralyzed. What was he supposed to do?


	7. Stay

After half an hour of lying there in his bed and spiralling, Sirius finally felt able to do something. No, he couldn’t manage to confront Remus, it felt as if listening in was a kind of betrayal, even though he now knew that Remus fancied him, too. But it would be creepy to come from his room and confront him.

No, he had to come in from outside. By now, Remus had to have started his zoom lesson. Sirius could sneak through the corridor, grab his key, sneak out and noisily unlock the door. _Stop! No! Those floorboards in the corridor creak._

 _But it looks fucking creepy if I come from my room. Bloody hell! Why do I always get into awkward situations?_ Sirius turned his face to the window. There wasn’t much of a view these days, as there had been some roof repair work just before the lockdown. The scaffolding was still standing there and blocked the view.

_The scaffolding! That’s the solution! If I climb out of the window and down the scaffolding, I can come back through the door._

Sirius quickly put on his biker boots and his summer bike jacket, opened the window as silently as he could and climbed out. He rushed down the scaffolding, and almost ran into Molly, whose brother Fab was the owner of the Tattoo shop downstairs and lived on the third floor.

“Hey, Sirius, is your flat on fire, why are you coming down the scaffolding?” Molly shook her head.

“Nah, I just forgot that I lost a bet and owe Remus a big box of Lindt chocolates.” Sirius replied, feeling proud of his excuse.

“You guys are such a cute couple. Remus seems a better boyfriend for you than that Reggie bloke. Although he’s nice, too, but in a way too much like you and very posh and ‘don’t touch me’.” Molly prattled on.

“Small wonder, he isn’t my ex but my younger brother, who now lives in London.” Sirius did his best not to roll his eyes. Molly was a nice woman, but awfully meddlesome.

“Sorry for assuming. Sorry, I have to go. At this stage of pregnancy, I need the loo every thirty minutes. But definitely keep Remus, he’s amazing. My Bill is thriving in his class.”

“I’ll do my best.” _Damn! Even Molly-fucking-née-Prewett knows that I love Remus. Only I might have found out too late!_ Sirius went into the Tesco’s next to Phoenix Ink and bought Remus’ favourite chocolates, Lindor. Wooing the person you like could never be wrong. He took his time so that he’d arrive at home after the end of Remus’ Zoom lesson.

He went back and pressed the doorbell.

“Lost your key?” Remus asked as Sirius came up the stairs.

“Forgot it at home. James will water the flowers. But I needed the walk to think of something.” He tried to stay in his role.

“Do you have a little time for me? I need to tell you something.” Remus’ face looked like Eleven’s from Stranger Things facing the Demogorgon. 

“Yes? Should we drink tea while talking?” Sirius didn’t really want to drink tea, but he wanted to warm his hands. What if Remus wouldn’t stay? What if he thought Sirius wasn’t worth the effort? Was Sirius worth the effort? He had never been worth any effort from his parents. _Pull yourself together, watch Remus’ hands._

Remus put the kettle on, took the Caged Heart blend and put two spoonsful into the tea filter. He fidgeted with the empty spoon until the water boiled, then poured it through the filter into the teapot. _Such beautiful hands. Perfect hands._ Hands Sirius needed to keep in his life.

“I’m moving out the day after tomorrow.” Remus’ voice was shaky. He handed Sirius a cup.

Talk, you idiot. You can’t let him go. Open your fucking mouth and speak. Sirius opened his mouth. Took a deep breath. Exhaled. Felt afraid. Took another breath. “Please – don’t.”

“Don’t worry. I managed to live frugally in the last two months. I can afford to keep paying the rent for two more months.” Remus said.

“No. Please, don’t move out. It’s not about the money.” Sirius almost screamed.

“Remember, it was always supposed to be a temporary arrangement, just until I found a new apartment. And I’m moving on to another friend.” Remus picked a piece of paper to pieces.

“It doesn’t need to be temporary.” Sirius begged. He needed Remus to stay.

“Fuck! How am I supposed to do this when you look at me with those puppy dog eyes?” Remus sighed, moving his hand for a moment as if to touch him, then withdrawing it. “Okay, I need to move out, because I feel too much. I fancy you.”

Sirius took a breath. “I …” _Fuck! How do I even start?_ Remus held out his hand in a ‘don’t interrupt me’ gesture. “The lockdown will end eventually, and you will go back to your habit of shagging women. I can’t bear to be around for that. I will be in the adjoining room and suffer because I have seen how gorgeous you are when you come, and how your cock feels in my hand.”

_He thinks of my cock in his hand!_ “Re…”

But Remus soldiered on, barely stopping to breathe. “And I will know it was just a short phase for you. You were just stir-crazy, but I’m gay. The one who broke up with me was a bloke, the ones who didn’t get to see my chest were blokes. And then you gave me the room in your flat and looked like sex on legs, were kind and just everything I dreamed about. But you’re straight, and I could handle feelings for my straight friend until this lockdown made you need human touch so much you even looked for it with me. And I can’t stay around until you bring home a girlfriend.”

“Will you let me talk, too? All those women I brought home, weren’t the same. With them, it was a nice shag, but then I never felt like I needed them in my life. It was just sex with them, and with you it’s sex, it’s cuddling on the sofa watching silly shows, it’s how clever you are, it’s your scent, in short, it’s everything you are.” Sirius looked at Remus, who looked back at him as if hypnotized. “Re, I’ve always liked both. I just denied that I liked blokes. I’m in love with you. I always tried to deny it, but having you as a flatmate made me realize that I’m bi, and – and I - fuck, Remus, please, stay, and please, I – please, don’t go.”

“You’re bi? You feel the same for me?” Remus whispered, taking his hand.

“Yes, ask James if you don’t believe me. He talked me through my sexuality crisis. And he suspected it ever since I was 14 and obsessed over Pete Wentz. But you’re more attractive than Pete Wentz.” _Why do I babble such nonsense?_

“You mean that? I mean Pete Wentz is a celebrity.” Remus grinned like the cat who got the cream.

“And you are Moony. That’s so much more.” Sirius brought Remus’ hand to his lips and kissed it.

“More?”

“Of course. Pete Wentz is just a random musician, while you are the man I want to spend every day with.” Sirius kissed Remus.

  
It was after a lengthy makeout session on the sofa, and rewatching Queer Eye on Netflix cuddled up to each other, that Remus suddenly got up. “I forgot about Teddy!”

“What did you forget about him?” Sirius felt alarmed about Remus’ untypical outburst.

“I was going to kip on his mothers’ sofa. What if he considers me unreliable? I don’t want to be a bad father. I have to call Tonks.” Remus started a frantic search for his phone.

_Please, Moony, don’t leave me._ “Maybe they didn’t tell him yet.”

Sirius saw it on the backrest of the sofa, gave it to him and took his hand as soon as he had started the video call.

“Delacour?” A blonde woman with a mezzo-soprano voice was on the other end.

“Hi, Fleur, have you and Tonks told Teddy I’ll move in with you?” Remus spoke faster than usual.

“Hello, Remus. No, we thought, we’d surprise him. Oh, hi, you must be Remus’ flatmate?” Fleur had a subtle French accent.

“Erm, things have changed.” Remus said, at the same time as Sirius said, “I was just promoted to boyfriend”

“I’m so happy for you both. You must visit us as soon as possible. Yes? ” Sirius could hear the relief in her voice now. He remembered that Remus had told him that Tonks and Fleur were the people he would go to with all his problems, just like Sirius would always go to James and Lily.

“Yes. We’ll visit you as soon as Tonks finds it safe for a non-emergency visit.”They talked a little about Teddy’s activities, and after a while Remus ended the call.

  
They cuddled up again, drank wine and continued to watch Queer Eye when Sirius became anxious again. “Moony, what if one day you find me too difficult?”

“Sirius, I love you. I can’t promise you forever, but as you love me, too I’m planning on staying for a long time.” Remus played with Sirius’ long hair.

“Even if I don’t know if I’ll ever want to have anal sex?” Sirius cringed at his whiny tone.

“I’ve never had anal sex. Before you gave me that first blowjob, I had never even received a blowjob, just given blowjobs and gotten handjobs back. I’ll be up for it if you ever decide you want to try anal, but it’s not a dealbreaker if you never do.” Remus kissed Sirius. “Don’t worry, Padfoot. – Did I say Padfoot out loud now?”

“Yes.”

Remus now seemed nervous. “I’m sorry, er, when I had that accident, I had just come out to my parents a few days before, and after surgery when I was in pain, my mother told me stories about a boy whose dog Padfoot turned out to be an enchanted prince. A kind of gay fairytale. And you look like the adult version of Prince Padfoot.”

It was the sweetest thing Sirius had ever heard. “I like being your Padfoot, if you are my Moony. When I was living with my birth parents, I always imagined turning into a dog and running away and living with a boy who loves me as I am.”


End file.
